Before I found out I was pregnant, I was going through a lot. My mom and I were fighting, so I left her house. I was making bad decisions, trying to find “control” in my life, when in reality, I was only hurting myself. I was deeply unhappy. I had just left a domestic violence situation, and so much more was happening in my life. I was exhausted, both mentally and emotionally, and I had reached a point where I planned on taking my own life. However, something happened the weekend I had planned to do it. I had to go to my mom’s house that weekend, and while I was there, I started feeling sick. I decided to take a pregnancy test, and before I could even pull my pants up, it showed positive. I couldn’t believe it.

Over the next two weeks, I took 11 more tests, and every single one came back positive. I was terrified. I was scared to tell my mom, and I was scared of becoming a mother. So many emotions were running through my head, and I had no idea what to expect. When I finally told my mom, she was supportive, even though she was upset at first. Then, at my first appointment, I heard my baby’s heartbeat. In that moment, I knew I was keeping her. My pregnancy was rough. I was physically sick, but I was also struggling mentally. There were days when I would cry for hours, and afterward, I would feel so guilty. Despite everything I was going through, I tried my best to be a good mom even before my daughter was born. I made sure to eat as healthily as I could, despite being so sick, and I spent time every day researching everything I could about babies, their development, their needs, breastfeeding, and the pros and cons of different parenting choices.

I wanted to be prepared for everything because I wanted to give my daughter the best life possible. While I was pregnant, my doula recommended Community of Hope, and it has been such a huge blessing in my life. I love this group so much because it has helped me connect with other teen moms while also making me feel seen and supported. It genuinely feels like they want to help, and the support they provide feels real. Having that community gave me even more confidence in becoming a mother. After having my baby, I was so happy. I had grown so much as a person, and my daughter became my saving grace. She gave me a reason to keep pushing forward, but becoming a mother also brought up a lot of feelings I hadn't fully dealt with. I started feeling angry with the people around me, especially the adults in my life. Having my daughter brought up old childhood trauma, and I found myself feeling angry at my mom and the other adults who were supposed to protect me.

When I looked at my innocent baby girl, I couldn't imagine putting her through the things I had experienced. It hurt to think about everything I went through as a child, and I felt angry knowing that the adults in my life could have done more to protect me. I never wanted my daughter to experience that kind of pain. Instead, I wanted to give her the love, safety, and protection that every child deserves. Because of that, I make it a priority to thrive as a mother. I want to make better choices, create a healthy environment for my daughter, and make sure I never repeat the mistakes that hurt me growing up. One of the biggest things I've learned is the importance of making healthy decisions so I don't put myself in situations that could harm me or my daughter. I also make sure to take care of my mental health.

I struggled a lot with postpartum depression and other challenges, but I continue to reach out for help, even when it feels scary. I've learned that asking for help doesn't make me a bad mom. In fact, I'm learning that taking care of myself is part of being the mother my daughter deserves. I want to break the generational curses that have affected my family, and I know that starts with me. Every day isn't easy. Some days are harder than others, and sometimes I just want to scream and go back to the old, harmful ways of coping that I once relied on. But I remind myself that those choices aren't what's best for me or my daughter.

I deserve a healthier life, and she deserves a happy, safe environment where she can grow and thrive. So I continue working on myself through therapy, learning from my past, and choosing to move forward even when it's difficult. I know I still have a lot of healing to do, but I'm proud of how far I've come. My journey hasn't been perfect, and I haven't always had everything figured out, but I keep trying. My daughter may never fully understand how much she changed my life, but she will always be a part of the reason I chose to keep going. She is my saving grace, and every day, I'm working to become the best version of myself, not only for her but for me, too. I want to break the cycle, heal from my past, and give us both the happy, healthy life we deserve.